Monday, October 15, 2012

Prologue… The background story of what led me to reach 129kg




I was born in the small beach community of Hervey Bay, Queensland, Australia. My parents divorced before my 2nd birthday and only have 1 memory of the united family unit. Most of my childhood was spent with my mother (Diana) and older brother (Jayce); I have a great deal of love and admiration for both of them. By all accounts I had a wonderful childhood; I had great friends, excelled at school, actively played sport and was a happy and healthy child. Growing up my relationship with my father was distant. My relationship however with food, was ever present!

I can remember fantasizing and obsessing over food, it is now clear that from a very young age I suffered from severe food addictions. My obsession with food was so evident that I would jump up and down in a ritualistic style dance around the kitchen when food was being prepared at family gatherings; my family labelled this ritual “The Food Dance”. I would steal food and eat it in hiding, often in my bedroom, or when no one was home. I was never overweight as a child and as I was always happy and healthy nobody thought anything sinister of my obsession with food.

At the age of 15 my family relocated to Brisbane, I started attending an all-girls school called Stuartholme. I was actively involved in the school community, lead fund raising, played netball and was a mentor to the younger girls. It is however around this time that my weight started to balloon. I would yo-yo from a size 12 – 18. My eating was uncontrollable!

Being an outgoing well-spoken person it often surprises people to find out that I am dreadfully private. I find it challenging to the point of physical illness when it comes to talking about problems. Due to my difficulties with personal expression any attempt that my mother made to address my weight were shut down quickly.

After high school I participated in a gap year in Brazil. The year abroad was personally enriching. I enjoyed all that the country had to offer, made lifelong friends, learnt another language, and ate my way through Brazil. I left Australia at my smallest weight in years weighing approximately 70kg, I returned from Brazil weighting around 95kg.

From 2003 to 2011 my weight continued to increase and I would Yo-Yo between 95kg and 120kg. I would wear large baggy maxi-dresses and cover my arms with sleeves at all times. Eating was a vicious cycle – I would start for a range of reasons; sadness, boredom, excitement, anger, happiness, hunger… I would eat to the point of feeling ill, I would then feel guilty and eat some more. The cycle was never ending. I never allowed my weight to stop me from making friends; I was actively social and by all account a happy outgoing person. To my friends I appeared confident and comfortable in my skin – my weight did not appear to phase me! The truth is that I felt dreadfully self-conscious and lost!     

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